Valens Shows the Way

After Valens had terminated the Gothic war with some appearance of glory and success, he made a progress through his dominions of Asia, and at length fixed his residence in the capital of Syria... But the attention of the emperor was most seriously engaged, by the important intelligence which he received from the civil and military officers who were intrusted with the defence of the Danube. He was informed, that the North was agitated by a furious tempest; that the irruption of the Huns, an unknown and monstrous race of savages, had subverted the power of the Goths; and that the suppliant multitudes of that warlike nation, whose pride was now humbled in the dust, covered a space of many miles along the banks of the river. With outstretched arms, and pathetic lamentations, they loudly deplored their past misfortunes and their present danger; acknowledged that their only hope of safety was in the clemency of the Roman government; and most solemnly protested, that if the gracious liberality of the emperor would permit them to cultivate the waste lands of Thrace, they should ever hold themselves bound, by the strongest obligations of duty and gratitude, to obey the laws, and to guard the limits, of the republic... The prayers of the Goths were granted, and their service was accepted by the Imperial court: and orders were immediately despatched to the civil and military governors of the Thracian diocese, to make the necessary preparations for the passage and subsistence of a great people, till a proper and sufficient territory could be allotted for their future residence. - Edward Gibbon, The Fall and Decline of the Roman Empire

Surprise of surprises, the Goths rose up in revolt. The gods be praised; or cursed, depending.

Currently, the "gracious liberty" of George W. Bush--to say nothing of the apathy of his predecessors--has allowed eleven to twenty million illegal immigrants to make their homes in the American republic. Bush has noted that we cannot deport so many people, which is probably true. However, a simple revocation of welfare benefits for illegals and the imposition of exorbitant fines upon corporations which hire them will cause many aliens to return home of their own volition. Further, it shouldn't be too difficult to deport the estimated thirty percent of federal prisoners who have at least this one additional crime to their names. These simple measures should suffice to quell the crisis until a wall can be built, as the current project will most likely take the Minutemen quite some time.

It should be somewhat less than shocking that Bush has christened massive deportation impractical, for he has no intention of ever enforcing this country's borders. Part globalist and an archetypal plutocrat, possession of the former attribute allows the President to hold borders in little esteem and the ignobility of the latter prevents him from making any serious effort to curb the insatiable appetite for cheap labor from the gods of corporate America which he so obviously serves. So long as profits continue to rise, Bush will tell himself, or perhaps even believe, the people must be doing well. Evidently the DJIA is more important than the ever dwindling purchasing power of the average American family. This is perhaps what comes from electing people who are privy to the best this country has to offer, and to whom want of material goods is as much an unknown as financial security to the American who has bought the consumerist lie.

In any event, it is unlikely that we will see Mexicans rise up and annex the southwestern United States, at least at this juncture. Most legal immigrants of Hispanic descent are passionately loyal to their adopted land, and though they hold their former home in high regard, nostalgia cannot and should not be prohibited. In and of itself, Cinco de Mayo possesses no greater threat than the St. Patrick Day parade. Yet there are two great differences between the Irish and the Mexicans, aside from the obvious discrepancy over preferences for alcoholic beverages.

Mexicans, I am told, speak Spanish. Irish people, it is believed, speak English, although this is often difficult to discern depending on the amount of Jameson and Guinness which has been ingested. Now many other immigrants did not have the privilege of the Irish and were compelled to, like the Mexicans, learn a new language when once they entered the U.S. Clearly then, a language barrier is not an insurmountable obstacle on the road to assimilation as the descendants of German, French, Dutch, Scandinavian, etc. immigrants can attest to.

Yet there is another trait which Mexican immigrants can claim which not only the Irish, but almost all other immigrants, native English speakers or otherwise, cannot. Mexico is strategically adjacent to the United States. Although they have forsaken their former country, there is nothing to prevent them from once again playing the mercenary. Immigrants move to this country for the benefits. For though wages have not grown at the same rate as inflation, even a relatively weaker dollar is a good bang for the immigrant's buck, pardon the expression.

However, there is nothing to prevent the immigrant from returning home once this economic advantage has been spent. If a Mexican could make more money in Mexico, it is unlikely a love for Uncle Sam would keep him in his adopted land. Patriotism runs deep, and it takes time for the old blood to be purged from the body. And whereas the German family would require a plane to return to the fatherland, Mexico is but a bus trip, or even a brisk walk, away.

All this begs the question: why return home at all? Why not simply and conveniently go home by remaining where one is? While Americans tend to be ignorant of history, there are at least a handful of Mexicans who know whose land part of Texas really is.

It is easy to dismiss my dire prediction as the absurd musings of an eternal pessimist who is slightly obsessed with the Roman parallel. Yet while land grabs have been less than forthcoming in recent history--unless one counts our expeditions in Afghanistan and Iraq--a more complete and extensive survey will show that humans have a propensity for fighting over land. With a massive exodus from the southwest by assimilated Americans--a poll last year noted that thirty percent of Californians wanted out--we need not concern ourselves with whether or not history will repeat itself. It is only a matter of time, and we would do better to concentrate on praying that the prospective war is not a bloody one.

The same thing is likely to happen in other parts of the globe. Although they have been close as brothers as of late, one bets that an expanding China is salivating over the immense stretches of land to the north which an invasion of a dying Russia would bring. Likewise, burgeoning populations of Middle Eastern Muslims, including those of Turkey, cannot help but pining for the land of Europe. There is historical precedent here as well, and it seems highly unlikely that a secular Christendom will summon the strength for another round of Crusades when the idealogical descendants of the Moors this time capture Spain and beyond.

This has been your monthly warning that we are still heading the way of Rome. You may now return to your regularly scheduled complaining about gas prices.