JFK once noted, “Dante said that the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in a period of moral crisis maintain their neutrality.” A moral crisis that tugs inexorably at men's hearts is here and it takes the form of little pieces of copper-coated steel. For those of you who do not follow the news or happen to be unemployed, I am speaking of the penny.
The biggest threat to freedom is not the terrorists; it is not even the Patriot Act. It is the worthless unit of currency we stubbornly cling to under the guise of tradition. It is high time the penny meets the same fate as its evil twin of the last century, slavery, and is abolished.
Now that I have your attention, I wish to clarify something. The analogy just used was of course a huge stretch. So kindly put down the lighter and refrain from issuing me death threats.
Every one of my readers—all three of them left—is ticked that I have wasted their precious time, to say nothing at making light of serious crimes against human beings perpetuated by our ancestors. Yet is not the penny an equal waste of time? In fact, any cashier will rehash horror stories of customers who have bought things exclusively with pennies.
Penny apologists will chide that without the penny we will have to use the nickel and everything will have to priced in increments of five cents. These same fools opposed the good riddance the British showed the halfpenny over two decades ago.
All those who value their time in any manner must at once spring for the abolishment of the penny. When it comes right down to it, time is all we have on this earth, and I'd rather not waste mine digging for a pittance on a candy bar.
But then this is just my two... err... five cents.
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