Tuesday, August 23, 2005

(I'm Not Moving To) Canton, Ohio

With every sensational story there are two errors made. The common error is to assume that what is happening in some small corner of the world is emblematic of the world at large. The other mistake is to assume that just because it is sensational it contains no truth and can be ignored. Betwixt the two extremes I will attempt to tread.

Seems there is trouble brewing in Canton, Ohio.

There are 490 female students at Timken High School, and 65 are pregnant, according to a recent report in the Canton Repository.

Being an engineering student, I calculated the percentage and it comes out to just over thirteen percent. Using my engineering knowledge further and extrapolating the given data over a substantial period of time I have determined within a reasonable amount of error that this is a problem.

The article reported that some would say that movies, TV, videogames, lazy parents and lax discipline may all be to blame.

May I suggest an alternative theory of my own? I blame the girls who are getting knocked up and the boys who are impregnating them. Callous I know, but unless there's a rape epidemic, I'd say that video games and movies are off the hook. Drat that free will; makes us responsible for our actions. How deplorable.

School officials are not sure what has caused so many pregnancies, but in response to them, the school is launching a three-prong educational program to address pregnancy, prevention and parenting.

I again have a suggestion. Sex is causing the pregnancies. Brilliant I know, to put one and one together like that--it's my mathematical background. There is nothing wrong with the educational program, but it probably won't do a lick of good. It will however distract the kiddies from learning what they should know to exist as a competent citizen of this grand country and the world at large. The good thing about this is that Jay-Walking will have no trouble finding ignoramuses to parade in front of the tele for the other cretins to watch. Hurray for complacency.

After all, what is more important, going to class or making sure your life will be a constant struggle by having a child when one is still a child. The question is, of course, rhetorical. The impications are not, and what is happening in Ohio is more prevelant than we all wish it were.

No we're not in hell, but we do seem to like to march in that general direction.

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