A week from tomorrow, my all-time favorite holiday comes around. It's not called turkey day, and although it begins the Christmas shopping season—whatever that means—Thanksgiving is an important feast all by itself. It would remain so, even without the cranberries and football games. Holiday stuffing aside, yet still in a celebratory spirit, I will make a list of some of the things I am thankful for. I encourage you all to do the same.
The national debt. I, for one, threw a massive party the day it surpassed the eight trillion dollar mark. This was sometime back in October; it was a really big party, so I kind of forget the exact date. It's going to be sweet when taxes skyrocket to pay for all the I.O.U.'s left by the wonderful folks in Congress.
The Iraq War. When I was a little kid, my dad told me my country had never lost a war. Wow, was I pumped. I'm really glad that America is keeping up her winning streak by liberating Iraq. I really hope we make the playoffs; I hear we get to play Iran.
Social Security. People who make fun of pyramid schemes are cretins. The only economic investments I like to make are poor ones. That way, I don't feel bad about making a profit. Ayn Rand had it all backwards. It's a good thing the government understands all this and lets me be part of the federal pyramid scheme. Heck, I didn't even get to choose to be part of it. How awesome is that?
Supreme Court nominees. While it may be true that the founding fathers set up a republic, we've done away with that folly. It's a good thing, too. Who in their right mind would want leaders held accountable by the people they govern? That's so Jeffersonian. Things are so much better now that nine unelected judges decide all major social issues for “we the people”.
Television. If there is one thing I hate, it's having to think for myself. Fortunately, the only decision I have to make is to decide what channel to watch. Thank goodness my Tivo tapes all the shows it knows I'd like, saving me from having to make even that one decision.
Consumerism. The meaning of life is so simple. Whoever has the most toys when he dies wins. There are so many toys, I'll never be completely happy, leading me to continually seek an unacheivable goal. But I'm going to win some day. Thank you, America.
I am also thankful for sarcasm.
On a serious note, I am actually very thankful for this great—so the theory goes—country of ours. We have the ability to do something about the shenanigans going on in Washington in our name. We do not have to buy into the shallow propaganda spewed forth by corporations, emanating from the television. While the terrorists do not actually hate us for our freedom, we've still got enough of it that we aren't resigned to becoming terrorists ourselves.
Lastly, I am thankful for everyone who still thinks for themselves. If we wish to leave for our children a country we can still be thankful of, we've got a lot of work to do.
And yes, I'm thankful for the opportunity, too.
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